Thought Journal
by SpencerReidsTrueLove
Summary: When Yuki's therapist tells him to start keeping a journal, Yuki begins to explore his locked away emotions. Surprise visits from Riku Kitazawa, Ryuichi Sakuma, and many more! GravitationEX Extremely graphic at times. Sorry, I'm a potty mouth...
1. Mama, Papa, and Baby

It's not mine. I don't own it.

Hey! It's me again. This one is kind of weird. It takes place after Gravitation EX. I hope everything is accurate! Please, let me know if you feel I'm off on anything. It's basically the journal of a writer. I like to think Yuki would be able to express himself through writing, because it's more comfortable for him. I hope you like it. I've kind of been working on it for like three days straight. -_- Please enjoy!

I don't really know why I'm doing this. My therapist says it'll help me, since I seem to have a hard time saying things out loud, but have an uncanny ability to write. She calls it a 'thought journal'. That's stupid, though. I suppose I'll give this a shot.

March, 5

Okay, so I'm mean sometimes. A lot of the times. Whatever. It's not like I do it on purpose. I just don't really know how else to be. I wasn't always this way. I guess you could say I was a 'nice kid'. Sometimes things just happen, that are completely out of our control, and change us. That's normal. Right? I don't really know when it happened. That is, when I started to feel emotions again. It had been years. Six years, actually. It was somewhere between those awful lyrics, and that stubborn, childlike demeanor of his. He didn't just break down my walls, he completely shattered my entire existence.

He's a brat. I stand by that. He's selfish. Whiny. Annoying. He never thinks about what the other person wants or needs, as long as he gets his way. Not just with me, but in every relationship he has with another human being. That's what draws me to him, though. He's interesting. Unlike any other person I've ever met. Hell, at this point, I've become so used to him, you would think we wouldn't still have incidents like this.

It was innocent enough, I suppose. I was sitting on the couch, reading. Dinner was in the oven. It was the quiet before the storm. He came bursting in from work, excited about something. He was talking too fast, though. I couldn't understand a word he was saying.

"Slow down." Me.

"Sorry! Okay, so, Hiro and me got into this stupid fight, and god he's such a jerk!"

"What happened?" I'm trying to show I care.

"Well, he took K's side in this fight we were having about the next single, and he's supposed to be _my _best friend! Why would he do that?"

"Well, maybe he just had a different opinion." See, I'm calm.

"But he didn't have to be so mean to me!" That was when the droning began. He wasn't listening again. If he would just _calm_ down sometimes, then maybe I wouldn't lose my patience.

"Shut up. You're being so annoying. You can't control everyone around you, you know. We all have our own minds. Now get out, you're getting on my nerves!" There it was. That mean part of me. I was always doing that. Kicking him out. I think, I think I just don't want to let him get close. For his own good. I'm no good for anyone, especially him.

March, 6

When I woke up this morning, he wasn't laying next to me in the bed. That always leaves an empty feeling in my chest. I guess I like the way he looks when he's sleeping. Really innocent. His cheeks turn pink, and he looks so vulnerable. But he wasn't there. Because I'm an asshole. I walked outside to see him curled up outside the door, in a ball, like he was waiting for me to come get him all night. That's when I felt the worst. I grabbed his hand and led him inside. He had this doughy, half awake look on his face.

"Yuki..." One word, but I can feel his emotions in it. He calls me by my name a lot. I like it. Most people in my life call me Eiri, but I picked my pen name for a reason, and to hear _him_ say it with so much... love... in his voice... well, I feel like I'm honoring Kitazawa in the right way. Before we even made it to the couch, he was kissing me. He really likes that. I like how much control it gives me over him. I can make him melt into a puddle in a seconds with my tongue. But I pushed him off of me onto the couch after a second.

"You want some tea?" I offered, making my way to the kitchen to fix us breakfast. There was a brief moment of silence before he was fully awake.

"Yuki, I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday. I don't like it when you're mad at me." I feel even worse when he apologizes for _me _being a dick.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper." I wanted to explain more to him, but I couldn't. I'm just not very good at that. He started talking about a million different things. Work this, Hiro that. If I wasn't more secure with how much he loves me, I would be worried about his relationship with Hiroshi. I fully believe that if I hadn't come along, it would be _those_ two making headlines every week. But he loves me. I don't really worry about him going anywhere. I'm pretty sure you could offer him anyone in the world, and he'd still chose me.

"Hey, Yuki, um... there's this company pic-nic next week, and everyone's husbands, and wives, and kids, they're all gonna be there, even Ayaka will be there with Hiro, and I just, would really love it, ya know, if you came." He was practically holding his breath waiting on my answer.

"I'll think about it." I know that if I had just said 'yes' it would have made his week. He would have been overly annoying and excited, and he would be happy. But the sick part of me loved toying with him. I know that I'll be there, but the look on his face, when he sees me, that'll be priceless. See, I'm sick. He deserves better.

March, 6

He's going to be insatiable tonight. He's been pawing at me all day. He didn't have to go to work, so he followed me around the house. I couldn't get any work done at all. Whenever he's like this, there's no turning him down. Of course, why would I? He's kind of a lousy lover. He peaks way too fast. But all of that energy he caries with him all day translates into sex. He can go for hours, pushing me to my breaking point. Besides, I love the look on his face when he's underneath me, screaming my name. Hmm. Everything I've written in this thing have been about him. Maybe I should talk about something else? … Seguchi called earlier. Just wanted to check on me. Mika's been calling for days, but I've been ignoring her. I don't feel like seeing my father, and they can't force me to. I'll go when I feel like it. He's always pushing me to go, Shuichi that is.

"Family's important!" He preaches. I guess he's right, but sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with all of that. Besides, Father doesn't approve of him. He tells me I'm throwing my life away, and that Miss Ayaka would be the perfect bride for me. I don't like hearing things like that. I don't like being told how to live my life. I'll be honest, in the beginning, part of the allure of being with that brat was how much Mika and my father would _hate_ it. Seguchi too. I know he cares about what's best for me, but he tends to go overboard. I don't want the kid to get hurt. Ha. There I go, talking about him again. I guess he's just hard to get out of my head.

March, 7

I'm exhausted. He was relentless last night. Every time I tried to stop, he'd beg me for more. He loves to fight me. He screams, twists, turns, tries to escape me. Last night was different. He was forceful. He pinned _me_ down. Took complete control of everything. I usually go one long round and I'm done, but he didn't stop until I literally passed out. And I'm not completely sure he stopped then. I don't know what it was. I guess, maybe it's because I wasn't really mean to him at all yesterday. I even let him sit in my office while I tried to write. Whenever he spends more then a few hours with me at a time, he always starts trying to rip my clothes off. That's what you get when you date someone so young. Sometimes I feel like a dirty old man, with my innocent, younger boyfriend eating out of my hand. But he is legal, and his parents don't mind that he lives with me. In fact, his sister thinks it's the greatest gift anyone could ever have given her.

"Eiri Yuki is my brother-in-law!" She squealed as we got out of my car one afternoon.

"Ha, well, we're not really married, Maiko! But, we _do_ live together! Oh, Yuki! Can I call you my husband?" He nestled his head into my chest. His hair tickled my face.

"Only if I can call you my 'wife'." I teased him as I grabbed a handful of his butt. It was fun to watch him squirm.

"Y-you can call me whatever you _want_ Yuki!" That's what gets me. I can humiliate him, torture him, curse him, tell him to die, that I hate him, and yet he doesn't leave me. He stands by my side, like a little puppy dog. It's like he worships me. I gave up on trying to chase him away. Lately, I even let him hold my hand in public now. He clings to my side like a child. Oh, speaking of children, Kitazawa's brother asked him to watch that kid again. A kid watching a kid. Who thought that was a good idea. I guess... I guess Riku's not so bad, all of the time, I just... hate children. Besides, looking at him makes me think of Kitazawa. I try to avoid that.

March, 8

Riku arrived today. They were both bouncing off of the walls when they were reunited. That brat's been bugging me lately, telling me how we should take a trip to visit him. He still calls us 'mama' and 'papa'. It's a little awkward. He's grown by at least four inches. That didn't stop Shuichi from picking him up and carrying him on his side.

"I think he's too big for that. You're going to spoil him." Me.

"Oh, Yuki, he doesn't have a lot of family, I just want him to know people love him." Shuichi.

"You love me, Mama?" Riku was bouncing in his arms.

"Of course!" Shuichi.

"Hey, how long are we stuck with the kid anyways?" Me.

"...Four months..." Shuichi backed away from me slightly. I tried to hold my composure, it's just hard sometimes.

"FOUR MONTHS! This is ridiculous!"

"Don't worry, I'll do everything, just like last time." I stared hard at Shuichi. The pleeding in his eyes told me this meant a lot to him.

"Fine. Whatever." I drove them home, listening to their constant ramblings. When I got to my house, I laid across the couch and closed my eyes. I needed to collect my thoughts.

"Why don't you go get a shower before dinner, Riku?" I could hear Shuichi whisper to the kid. He nodded and obediently ran off. I kept my eyes closed. I could feel Shuichi climbing on top of me.

"I'm not in the mood." I huffed.

"Are you sure?" He asked, burying his face in my groin. My body reacted to his touch. Damnit. I really wasn't in the mood. I had a headache from dealing with the two 'children'. He unzipped my pants, pulling them down just enough to reveal what he wanted.

"I don't think we have time. It won't take him long in the shower."

"Don't worry, Yuki, I'll be quick." He smirked at me. I couldn't help but get turned on. The look in his eyes said that it was happening, and it didn't matter what I thought about it. He opened his mouth, dragging his tongue along the side of my cock. I twitched. His breath was warm, and his touch gentle. Despite how bad he is in bed, he's great at giving head. That's because he practices... a lot. It's his favorite thing to do lately. He sucked me in, rolling his tongue in all the right ways. I grabbed the back of his head, pushing down on it. I could feel him almost gag. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm definitely not small, in width or girth. His fingers teased what his mouth couldn't reach. It didn't take me long.

"Shuichi..." As he whispered his name, we both heard it. The water cut off. Riku would be walking in on us at any minute. He sped up his movements, trying fiercely to make me climax. It worked. I could feel the heat rising from my core, ready to pour out into his mouth. He made some adorable gurgling noises as he swallowed as much as he could of my seed. A lot of it dripped past his lips and down his chin. It was the image of sexy. I leaned forward, taking his mouth with mine, licking up what he had left behind. My tongue roamed his mouth. I love the way he tastes. Like candy a lot of the times. His hands fumbled with my pants as I wrapped him up in my kisses. His cheeks turned that adorable shade of red as he let out a cute moan. Just as he zipped my pants back up, Riku walked in, his hair wrapped in a towel.

"Mama, Papa, what's for dinner?" I sighed, wanting to continue my make out session with my lover. But despite what I felt, the kid had to eat.

March, 8

We just put Riku to bed. Shuichi is singing to him until he falls asleep. I want to fuck. Basically. That's all there really is to it. I don't want to get head. I don't want to make love. I want to fuck Shuichi like a wild animal. I want to tear him to pieces. I wish he would hurry up with the kid. Shuichi's little display on the couch earlier unleashed my beast. I don't know if he'll even be able to satisfy me tonight. It just shows how attracted to him I honestly am. Here he comes. I'm going to enjoy this.

March, 9

I made Shuichi cry last night. That's how I know it was good. He gets so overwhelmed that he's with me, he bursts into tears in the middle of it.

"Are you okay?" I blinked down at him as he wet the sheets with his tears.

"I just... love you so much..."

"Am I hurting you?" I kept thrusting hard into him, dominating his core.

"No. You can go harder." He wasn't fighting me... again. Something is different with him in bed.

"What? No complaints?" I licked the tears from his cheek as I slammed into him with all my might. We were both drenched in sweat. As well as his tears and cum. I think he was on orgasm six. I was on three.

"No. You're perfect. Ngh..." I bit his bottom lip, tugging on it.

"You're being... weird." I finally pointed out.

"You're being... nice." We both stopped moving, staring hard at each other.

"I don't care, ya know?" I said.

"About what?"

"That you're changing. It's okay. As long as... you don't get tired of me in the process."

"Tired of you? Yuki, I can't get enough of you." I licked his neck, biting gently into the soft skin.

"Good, cause you're mine." Then I heard the door creak open.

"Mama... I can't sleep... What are you doing to Mama?" He was pointing at me. The covers had long since been thrown to the floor. The poor kid had first row tickets to the show. Dick in ass and all. Shuichi let his legs drop from my shoulder blades to the bed as I slid out of him.

"Um... R-Riku, go back in your room, I'll be there in a minute..."

"Stupid fucking kid, getting in the way..."

"Hey! He's probably scarred for life after this! I mean, you had your... in my... oh poor Riku!" Shuichi was exploding with embarrassment. I sighed, rolling onto my back. I pulled on some pants, really wishing I had time to take a shower before I handled this crap.

"Yuki, where are you going?" Shuichi asked, putting his own clothes on.

"You're not good with stuff like this. You'll only make it worse." I opened the door to the boy's temporary room. He was curled up with tears in his eyes.

"Riku... um... we need to talk."

"You, you hurt him." He burst into tears.

"No, I promise, I wasn't hurting Shuichi." I sat down on the bed next to him.

"But, you... it... when I... it hurts..." I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Was the kid really saying that someone had done _that_ to _him_. All I could think was, there's no way. It would kill him. He's so young...

"Kid, what do you mean, it hurts you? Does... does somebody, um..."

"Not what you were doing... not really... but in my... er... mouth. I'm not supposed to talk about it... I'll get in trouble..." It was unreal. My mind was flowing with memories, flashes of moments, touches, they seemed so innocent back then... of course, now I know what it all meant.

"Who?"

"What do you mean, who?" His eyes were huge and innocent. They remind me of Shuichi's.

"Who... you know, does that to you?"

"I'm... not supposed to tell anyone..." I could feel the tears trying to fall.

"You remember what I told you I did... to your father..."

"Yes Yuki-san. You killed him."

"Do you know why?" He laid his head in my lap, clearly tired mentally and physically.

"No. Why'd you kill him?"

"Because he used to touch me, like that. And he let other people touch me. Do you understand?" He shook his head.

"Not really." My fingers moved to play with his hair. I was nervous, talking about this with _him_ of all people.

"Well, it's not okay, to touch people when they don't want it. Or to touch someone so young. You should be pure. Innocent. No one deserves to take that from you." At this point I could feel the tears falling hard down my cheeks. I never used to cry, but lately, it seems I do it a lot.

"What if I kind of _do_ want it?" He reminded me of myself. I loved Kitazawa, and I wanted every second of the attention he gave me. It was the attention from the _others_, and how little I ended up mattering to him, that pushed me over the edge.

"That's natural. I... wanted it... with your father. That doesn't change that its not okay. Now, you have to tell me who."

"Yoshiki's boyfriend..."

"Now, why exactly did you need to come stay with us again? Yoshiki having another surgery." He shook his head. I could feel his tears wetting the leg of my pants.

"I asked her if I could come see you. I... really hate it in New York!" He slammed his fists into my leg.

"I do too. I'll send Shuichi in here. I've got something to do." He grabbed a fistful of my pants.

"Are you mad at me, Yuki-san?"

"No, Riku. You didn't do anything. It's okay." When I stepped into the hallway, Shuichi was standing outside the door.

"Yuki..."

"Shuichi, what am I supposed to do? That kid..."

"I feel terrible for him."

"Go talk to him." I pulled Shuichi forward, kissing the top of his head. "Maybe you can help him the way you did me." I walked to my room and picked up the phone, dialing Yoshiki's number.

"Hello?"

"Yoshiki, Riku's not coming back."

"What? Eiri, what is this about?" He sounded angry, but I didn't care.

"Apparently you're dating a child molester. Not to mention he hates it there. He wants to stay here with us, and I owe it to him. After all, he doesn't have a father because of me." I couldn't really believe I was saying it. I hate children. But I couldn't allow the boy to go through the same things I did.

"What? Daniel? He's not! How dare you Eiri!"

"I'm only going by what the kid told me. If you have a problem with it you can bring a lawyer to Japan. The kid stays with us." I hung up the phone. Shuichi was in the doorway, Riku in his arms.

"Um... Yuki, can he sleep with us tonight?" I nodded. My head was pounding like my brain was going to explode.

"As long as everyone's quiet." They climbed into the bed. Shuichi curled up against my side, Riku in his arms. It wasn't terrible.

A/N- Eh? What do you think? Another chapter to come _real_ soon. I know, it's really dramatic, but I'm trying to put some more of the comedy angle into in upcoming parts. Please take the time to give me any constructive criticism, or let me know if I'm doing a good job. ^_^


	2. Jealousy and Slaves

March, 10

I showed this thing to my therapist today. She said I was 'very insightful'. The whole Riku thing brought a lot to the surface in our meeting. She said that adopting the boy might actually lead to some kind of break through. I think she's an idiot. This boy is going to be the death of me. Shuichi left him with me while he went to work. I had to go to the store, and trying to keep him from touching stuff and running around was worse than trying to control Shuichi.

That's another thing she said. The first few entries in here, I apparently didn't write 'Shuichi'. Now I use his name. She says I do the same thing in our sessions. I guess it's true. I don't really use his name a lot. At least, I didn't before. She says it shows that I'm becoming more 'comfortable' with him. The truth is, I couldn't live without him. Not after knowing what it's like.

I'm going to take them to the park today when Shuichi gets off work. I'm going to surprise him by picking him up from work, and let them run all of their energy out. I even bought some fruit and stuff, and made some rice patties. He hasn't smiled since last night, so I want to make him happy.

March, 10 night

Everything went exactly as I planned. Well, sort of. The kid climbed on my back as we got on the elevator. I didn't have the energy to fight him. He was hanging from my neck like a little monkey. As I stepped into the recording booth, Riku went crazy.

"Bad Luck! Bad Luck! Hiro! Fujisaki! MAMA!" He was bouncing on my back as he screamed.

"Yuki! Riku!" Shuichi shouted back, setting his headphones down and coming to greet me. A quick peck on the cheek was my reward for coming.

"Mama! Papa's taking us to the park!"

"Really Yuki?" His eyes were wide as he asked the question. Riku slipped my sunglasses off of my face, wearing them himself.

"As long as he doesn't get killed before we get there." I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, Riku, come here. Let's leave Yuki be for a while." Riku jumped off my back and into Shuichi's arms. It was an odd feeling. Seeing my current lover holding the child of my first love, the man I killed. His face is almost identical to Kitazawa's. It makes me sick sometimes.

"Are you ready, Shuichi?"

"K, I'm leaving. I'll finish up the song tomorrow!" Shuichi shouted, waving goodbye to everyone. I'm sure we looked odd, Shuichi holding my hand, a kid hanging from around his neck.

The park was full of other children. I hated it, but it was too late to turn back. I laid a blanket across the grass with our food. After we ate, Riku went to the playground with the other children.

"Yuki."

"What?"

"Will you go swing with me?" I looked up at the empty swings.

"I guess." Shuichi squealed as he ran to claim his swing. Some kid sat in the one next to him before I could.

"Aww, Yuki, I wanted you to swing too!" I sighed a breath of relief.

"It's okay, I'll just push you." I stood behind Shuchi and wrapped my hands around his on the ropes. I pulled him back as far as I could, and shoved him forward, soaring high into the air.

"Wee!" He was truly like a little kid. I could see Riku from where I was standing. He was playing tag with a few other children. After a couple of hours, I was tired, and ready to go. They'd had just a great day, they didn't even argue with me. Shuichi strapped Riku into the backseat of my car. I opened the front door for him, but he pinned me to the door frame.

"Yuki, today was amazing." He snuggled up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I just thought the kid needed to get his mind off of things."

"You're such a big teddy bear. You try to be all cold and mean, but you love that kid, don't you?" I stared deep into his eyes before snarling.

"No, I just feel bad for him. Let's go." I wish I could tell the truth. That I'm clinging to a shadow of a man long gone.

March, 12

I didn't write yesterday. I was busy fighting with Shuichi. All day. I said some things that I regret. He had spent all of his free time with Riku. We finally got some free time to play around, and the second we got into it, he had to go do something else for the kid.

I had my hand down his pants, pressing him hard against the wall. He was wiggling, fighting me.

"Yuki, no!"

"Come on, brat. I'm restless." I said as I sucked on his bottom lip.

"Okay, real quick..." He started to take his pants down, when it all went sour. There was a loud crash, followed by some shouting.

"Owie! Ow! It hurts!"

"Sorry, Yuki. I have to go check on him." He slid under my arm and ran to the boy. I slammed my fist into the wall. It hurt pretty bad, and now there's a hole there. I should have just explained how I felt, but instead I blew up, screaming at Shuichi, who decided to sleep in Riku's bed.

"I should have never let you two live here!" I had screamed at him. That caused the tears to start.

"Yuki..." He dropped his head and walked out. I wanted to call him back and apologize, but I couldn't. I hated waking up alone. I was going to say something at breakfast, but he kept giving me these hurtful looks, and I just kept getting angrier. We spent all day today fighting, too.

March, 12

I finally talked to Shuichi tonight. It was after Riku was asleep. He was standing on the balcony, looking up at the sky. He looked sad and lonely. I walked up behind him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered in his ear.

"Yuki! Oh... no, I just... you didn't mean what you said, right?" I wrapped my arms around his chest.

"No. I'm glad you're here. And in some ways, I'm glad he is too."

"We're like a little family. A married couple and our son! Isn't it nice?" I shrugged.

"Sometimes. It's a little overwhelming, though, because he looks so much like _him_."

"Oh, Yuki, I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry. I was being selfish again." I nibbled at his earlobe.

"It's okay. That's not why I'm upset anyways."

"Then what's wrong, Yuki? Is it something I did?" He half turned so that he was looking into my eyes.

"No. I want to be the most important thing to you. Everyone loves you, and they want something from you. Nakano is your best friend, so he takes up a big piece of you. Bad Luck, that's your career, so of course it takes up a lot of your time. The fans chase us around when we're in public. Here at home, that time, it was all I had that was _ours_. Now there's this mini Kitazawa running around taking up all of our time. I guess, I'm... I don't know..."

"Oh! Yuki! You're jealous of him!" He threw his arms around my neck as if I'd just said I loved him.

"That's a good thing?"

"No, not at all. But at least it's not something I did. Besides, jealousy is the highest form of flattery." He reached up and kissed me.

"I know our day time has been consumed with Riku, but we still have the night time. Besides, he'll be in school soon, then we can have our day time back."

"Then I can do whatever I want, whenever I want."

"You can do _whatever_ you want right now." He nipped at my ear, sending shock waves up my spine. That's my spot. He loves to use it against me. He jumped into my arms, nestling his face into my neck.

"Do you love me, Shuichi?" I know it was a useless question, but I like to hear it.

"Yes, of course."

"Say it."

"I love you, Eiri Yuki, with every fiber of my being." I closed my eyes, running my fingers through his hair, working up the courage to say what was on my mind.

"I- uh, I love you, too, Shuichi." He licked my face like a dog. I gave him an inquisitive look.

"Sorry. I just get really excited when you say that."

"Yeah?"

"Mm hmm."

"I get excited when you say things, too." I set him on the balcony railing, his legs wrapped around me.

"Like, 'Yuki, _yes_... mmm... ngh..." He made sex noises in my ear. It was the epitome of sexy.

"Don't tease me. You know how I get." I warned him. If he kept things up, I would be slamming him down, taking every inch of his body for myself.

"Yuki, I want you to _fuck_ me." Shuichi never said it like that. He would say 'make love'. Which I would do. Sweet, gentle. A lot of kissing. That was fine. But for him to beg me to _fuck_ him, well, that was a whole different game. The parallels of my personality come out during sex, depending on how I feel. Shuichi can control a lot of that, just with his words or his smile. With those seven words, he had opened the flood gates, and my rough side wasn't going anywhere until it had what it came for.

I lowered my head so that I could grasp his belt with my teeth. In a swift motion, it came flying off. My tongue rolled across the flat surface of his abdomen, tracing circles around his naval. His tiny fingers twisted into my hair as he spread his legs as wide as they went. I went to pull of his pants, when there was a loud crashing noise on top of my roof. Shuichi leaned backwards off of the railing, looking up into the sky.

"What was that?" I asked him, leaning as far up his body as I could.

"I...don't see anything." He blinked a few times.

"Must have been a stick or something. Let's keep going." I said, continuing to nip and suck random patches of his skin.

"No, Yuki, I still hear something." He tapped me on my shoulder.

"Damn it." I pulled him forward off of the railing and into my arms. "Is someone up there?" I called out. Nothing. Not even a peep. I have to admit, even I was starting to get curious. But my thoughts were still stuck on Shuichi and all of things I wanted to do to his body. I was about to give up, and ravage my little pink haired lover, when the cause of the commotion was revealed. Something jumped off of the roof, landing directly in front of me in the yard.

"R...Ryuichi?" Shuichi knew exactly who it was the moment he saw him. Anger rose under my skin. I was already pissed because I was in the mood, in a bad way, and I couldn't have Shuichi yet. The fact that it was none other than Ryuichi Sakuma standing in front of me, well, that just pushed me over the edge.

"What are you doing here?" I spat at him.

"Shuichi!" He jumped up and down, holding that stupid bunny. Kumagoro. Who names a rabbit Kumagoro? I mean, he might as well have named it cat, or bird. Everything about him gets on my nerves. Whenever I see his face, all I can picture is his tongue shoved down Shuichi's throat. Shuichi thinks it was all fake. He doesn't believe that Sakuma is really in love with him. That's just his naivety showing. How can he not see that look, when Sakuma looks at him, that's how it looks when Shuichi looks at _me_. He ran to Shuichi, hugging him.

"Ryuichi, hello, but um... why are you here so late?" I stepped forward, knocking Sakuma backwards before he could answer Shuichi.

"Leave. Now. You are not welcome here." Shuichi sprang forward.

"Yuki! Don't hurt him!" He whined.

"Eiri. Nice to see you again." Sakuma's demeanor changed. He was in what Shuichi called 'serious mode'. I'm not sure if Shuichi realizes he does it too, or not. He understands Sakuma, though. I guess, that's why I feel so threatened by him.

"I won't say the same. You disgust me. Get outta my face."

"Yuki, please don't be so _mean_." It's like he doesn't get it! I'm saying these things because of _him_! Because I … love him. Because he means more to me than... everything. Without him, I would just sink back into the darkness. I hate Ryuichi Sakuma. I wish that he would never come near Shuichi again. Thanks to Tohma, he can get as close as he wants, as often as he wants. Tohma wants nothing more than to see me and Shuichi split up. Whether sending him to New York, or flying in my competition. He'd kill him if he thought he could do it without dire consequences. He knows that I would disappear forever if he did that, though.

"Eiri, you're just jealous of the _bond_ I share with Shuichi." He got behind Shuichi, wrapping his arms around his front, rubbing his disgusting hands all over Shuichi's chest. Without hesitation, my foot flew into the air, knocking him to the ground.

"Don't touch him." I commanded, standing in front of Shuichi.

"Please Yuki..." He begged. Sakuma stood up.

"You aren't going to win. Shuichi belongs to _me_, do you understand that?"

"Look, you fucking twirp, Shuichi is _MINE_. Okay? So stay the fuck away from us!" Shuichi was pulling on my arm, trying to get my attention.

"Yuki..."

"You are a fool, Eiri Yuki. There is no way you can treat Shuichi the way he deserves to be treated. Just _give up_." I wanted to leap across the porch and slam his head into the ground. It was the angriest I've been in a long time.

"Yuki... please listen to me..." Shuichi mumbled again.

"What happens with me and Shuichi is _our_ buisness you piece of..."

"Damn it! Listen to me!" Shuichi jumped in front of me, waving his arms. Sakuma and I both paused, staring at him. "Now, can I just please speak for myself for one minute?" There were tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Go ahead Shuichi, _I'm _listening." Sakuma said, insinuating that I wasn't. I could feel my heart literally stop beating.

"Yuki, you know how much I love you, right?" I swallowed, trying to clear the lump growing in my throat. All I could think was that Shuichi was about to pick Sakuma. "Right?" He repeated. I nodded, almost unable to move my neck.

"Yeah." He wrapped his arms around my waist as tight as he could. I placed my hand on top of his head, patting him gently.

"Ryuichi, you have been my idol since I was a kid. You're the reason I started Bad Luck. The reason I signed with NG. The reason I pushed myself to make it as far as I have. Well, part of the reason anyways. My point is, if not for you, then I wouldn't be where I am today, and that includes being in Yuki's arms. I'm sorry, Ryuichi, I really am. I never want to stop singing with you, and you are so amazing, but my heart, it's in Yuki's hands. Forever." He looked up into my eyes. My blood finally started pumping again. He turned back to Sakuma. "You see, Ryuichi, without Yuki, I'd be dead." Sakuma lowered his head.

"Is that how you really, truly feel Shuichi? You can never love me the way you love him? Even if he was dead." Shuichi nodded.

"Even if he was dead. Cause if _he _dies, _I'll_ die." The door creaked open behind us. We all looked to see what it was. "Riku, why aren't you asleep?" Shuichi asked, picking him up.

"I heard some noises. I just wanted to check on you." He rubbed his eyes. Shuichi stood next to me, Riku leaned against my side.

"Okay then, Shuichi, it seems you have your family, so I will leave you alone. I'm sorry if I caused any problems. But please, don't forget, don't give your voice away, okay?" He was always saying things like that. It was annoying. What does that even mean? Sakuma turned to leave.

"Hey, Sakuma." He turned to face me. "Even if Shuichi doesn't love you, there's someone who does." Ryuichi nodded.

"Yeah, I know. I really should be better to him." Poor Tatsuha. Ryuichi was always going to use him. Just as fast as he was there, he was gone.

"I'm … ahhhh … tired..." Riku said yawning, his fingers playing with loose strands of Shuichi's hair.

"Come on." I sighed, realizing my night was officially over. Once again the three of us curled up together, sleeping in _my _bed.

March, 13

"Yuki! Today's the pic-nic! Are you coming?" Riku pulled at the bottom of my shirt.

"Please! Can we _please_ go?"

"I don't know. We'll see."

"It starts at twelve. I'd really love it if you were there." Shuichi said before he kissed me and headed for the door.

"Shuichi."

"Yeah, Yuki?" He said, turning to me.

"Aren't you going to eat some breakfast?" He shook his head.

"I'm okay." I tossed him a banana.

"Eat this on your way."

"Thanks, Yuki." It was one of the little things I was good at. Feeding him. If it wasn't for me knowing how to cook, he'd live off of take out and pizza. Once he was out the door, I started to get ready.

"Riku, get dressed." I called out around eleven o'clock.

"Oh! Are we going?" He bounced around, changing his clothes in the living room.

"Yeah. But you should really do that in the bathroom."

"What?" He stopped in the middle of pulling clean underwear on. I turned so that I wasn't looking at him. My skin was burning. I think it embarrassed me.

"Um, put your clothes on. You're too old to do that in front of other people."

"But you walk around naked, and so does Mama."

"Yeah, but that's different. Just, listen to me. Don't change in front of anyone else. I don't want any one else to hurt you. Okay?"

"You can turn around. I'm dressed."

"Let's go. I don't like to be late." Riku nodded. The air was kind of thick and uncomfortable. Like he didn't like what I had said to him.

NG employees were running around everywhere. It was definitely not my kind of fun. But Shuichi wanted me to be there. Riku was running in front of me, looking everywhere for his 'mama', when Michael ran out.

"RIKU! HEY! RIKU!"

"Michael!" Riku screamed. "Papa, can I go play with him?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Like I care."

"YUUUUUKIIIII!" Shuichi spotted me. "I knew you were gonna come!" He ran to me, hugging me. "Where's Riku?"

"Oh, with K's kid, over there." I pointed him out. They were running around a tree, I guess playing tag.

"Oh yeah, they haven't seen each other in a while." His hand fell into mine. "Hey, come over here, Hiro and the others are all here!" He drug me to a spot under a tree. Sure enough, the rest of the Bad Luck crew was there. Hiroshi Nakano. Suguru Fujisaki. Claude "K" and Judy Winchester. Sakano... you know, I don't even know his full name. The only problem was Bad Luck wasn't the only band there. Directly behind them was Nittle Grasper. Tohma Seguchi and my older sister, Mika. Noriko Ukai and her strange husband. And of course, Ryuichi Sakuma. How annoying. He was there every time I turned around.

"Hey, Mr. Yuki actually came!" Hiroshi shouted, waving his arms like a dumbass. Honestly, I hate him too. Every time Shuichi's mad at me, that's where he goes, and he's always there, buzzing around like a fly you can't _squish_. I sat down with Shuichi, who laid across my lap. Lately I've gotten to where I'm okay with his public displays. People are going to look, whether I want them to or not. So why not let him enjoy our time together, no matter where we are. As long as he doesn't cry, I'm okay.

Everyone around us was chattering. My eyes flashed up to find Riku every few minutes. He was playing with a large group of children, but he and Michael were stuck together like glue. I think they get along so well because of their lack of stability. Riku is definitely messed up. His guardian is his transvestite uncle, who's disgusting boyfriend molested him. He's only happy when he lives in Japan with the man who killed his father and his singer boyfriend, who he calls 'mama'. Michael's mother is one of the most famous actresses in the world, and his father manages some of the best singers. He's pretty much raised by his body guard. Poor damn kids.

"Yuki, are you having fun?" He stroked my cheek as he asked the question.

"Eh, whatever. Are you?" He smiled. He looked like a five year old.

"You're here, of course I am." Without thinking, I bent down and kissed him. Everyone around us was staring.

"Eiri! You shouldn't do such things in public!" Tohma came rushing over. He shot Shuichi one of those 'death glares' of his. "Why don't you come sit with your big brother?" He grabbed my hand, gesturing for me to follow him. Even in this ninety degree weather, he was wearing a feathered boa and that stupid hat of his. I know he thinks he's protecting me most of the time, but I just wish he would leave me alone.

"Brother-_in_-_law_." I corrected.

"Oh, Eiri, you are so hurtful! Don't you love me?" Tohma was always so dramatic.

"Of course not." I rolled my eyes. It's a lie. I do love him. He's protected me to the best of his ability for years. But it'll go to his head if I tell him that.

"Please, come join your sister and I. She wants to speak with you anyways."

"No. I'm fine here." My eyes flashed to Sakuma. I knew what Tohma was trying to do. Distract me while he moved in on Shuichi. It wasn't going to happen. In fact, I was surrounded by people who are a threat on our relationship. The only person I really trusted was Shuichi. Well, Riku too, I guess. Trust is a strong word, but he's just a kid. He means well enough. I really am getting soft, aren't I?

At this point, Shuichi was sitting in my lap, arms flung around my neck, legs wrapped around my waist.

"See! Yuki picks me!" I hate it when he says things like that to Tohma.

"Hm, yes Shindou, it seems this time he has." He turned around and sat with Mika. I turned back to spot Riku. He was holding Micheal's hand, rolling down a hill. Just when I thought things were calming down, yet another annoying family member showed up.

"Hey! Shuichi Shindou! I'm here to tell you to keep your filthy paws on my brother and off of _my_ Ryuichi!" Tatsuha was on his motorcycle over us, pointing and screaming at Shuichi.

"Damn it! Shut _UP_ Tatsuha! Shuichi doesn't want that stupid singer!" Ryuichi walked slowly over to Tatsuha.

"Tatsuha..."

"R-Ryuichi Sakuma... I... I LOVE YOU!" He shouted. My brother isn't normally like that. He's always sadistic and controlling. Something about Sakuma made him submissive, though.

"There's no need to worry. I'll be yours. I've given up on Shuichi."

"H-huh? Really? Me?" I thought Tatsuha was going to explode.

"I think I could come to love you in time." He took Tatsuha's hand and rode of with him. I was filled with a new found sense of relief that I wasn't going to have to battle so hard anymore.

The rest of the day went fairly smooth. I was pretty quiet, just being there physically for Shuichi. Riku and Micheal fell asleep from exhaustion. Shuichi was all over me the entire time. Considering it had been a few days, I was having a hard time holding myself back. I wanted to take him right there, in front of everyone.

It wasn't until we were about to leave that things got serious yet again.

"Hey! Kidnappers! Child thieves! Where is my little Riku at?" Yoshiki screamed from the top of a hill. Riku was curled up in a ball in my arms, and Micheal in Shuichi's.

"Oh shit. Here we go." She came running towards us, stopping inches in front of me.

"Can I see him?"

"He's asleep, as you can see. Meet us at our home. We can talk there." I brushed past her, angry that she had let everything happen to the boy.

"Hey Yoshiki. Sorry he's not in a great mood. It's been a crazy day."

"Hello Shuichi. I'll follow you back then?" Shuichi nodded, handing Micheal off to K.

"We'll have to have him over soon, so the boys can play more!" He said as he ran to catch up with me.

When we got home, I hoped that Riku would stay asleep. I didn't see a need in worrying him. He wasn't going anywhere. Of course, nothing goes my way, so he woke up before we could get him in the bed.

"Ah! No! Are you taking me back to New York! No fair! It hasn't even been a month! Don't let her take me! Mama!" He clung to Shuichi's leg for a moment before dashing over to me, hiding behind my legs.

"Calm down, Riku. I promised you four months, you'll get _four months_." There was a hateful tone in her voice.

"Come on, let's get in the bed." Shuichi led Riku down the hall.

"Okay, so I talked to Daniel. He swears nothing ever happened."

"Bullshit." She had a shocked expression on her face.

"He's my nephew! Don't you think I would know?"

"The kid stays. That's that." I didn't know what to say. How to translate the things he said to me that night. My head was pounding. I just wanted everything to stop. Finally Shuichi was back.

"Yuki, calm down." He pulled me to the couch to sit down.

"Yoshiki, you know that I only have what's best for Riku in my mind. He's a sweet kid. But he's not happy in New York." She bent her head, staring at her feet.

"So, what if I just move to Japan? That way he could just stay with all of us." Shuichi jumped up.

"You would do that? Oh that would be perfect! That way when Yuki gets mad, Riku can just go to your place!" It really does sound perfect. He will always have somewhere to go if he's in trouble.

I let Shuichi and Yoshiki do all of the talking once I knew that everything was going to work out. Riku being happy makes Shuichi happy. That's all I really care about, making him happy.

A/N - I have to confess, Riku is the cutest kid in the world, and I love writing about him. I hope it's still good. I work the next four days, so I don't know how long it'll be before an update. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! ^_^


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